Funny Lines

Advertisement  In A Long Island Shop:
Guitar,  for sale........ Cheap....... .
 .......no  strings attached.


Ad  In Hospital Waiting Room:
Smoking Helps You  Lose Weight ...
One Lung At A  Time!


On  a bulletin board:
Success Is Relative.
The more The Success,
The more The  Relatives.


When  I Read About The Evils Of Drinking...
I Gave  Up Reading


My  Grandfather Is Eighty
And Still Doesn't Need  Glasses....
He  Drinks Straight Out Of The  Bottle.


Sign  In A Bar:
'Those  Of You Who Are Drinking To Forget,
Please do Pay  In Advance.'


Sign  In Driving School:
If Your Wife Wants To  Learn To Drive,
Don't Stand In Her  Way....


Behind  Every Great Man,
There Is A Surprised  Woman.


The  Reason Men Lie Is Because
Women Ask too Many  Questions..


Getting  Caught
Is The Mother Of  Invention.


Laugh And The World Laughs With You,
Snore And You sleep  Alone


The Surest Sign
That Intelligent Life Exists
Elsewhere In The Universe
Is The Fact That It Has  Never Tried To Contact Us.


Sign At A Barber's Saloon In Detroit :
We Need Your Heads To Run Our Business..


Sign  In A Restaurant:
All Drinking Water In This Establishment
Has Been Personally Passed By The Manager.