Jobless man

A jobless man applied for the position of "office boy" at Microsoft.

The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.  "You are employed" he said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you  the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start".

The man replied  "But I don't have a computer, neither an email."
"I'm sorry", said the HR  manager, "If you don't have an email, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He  didn't know what to do, with only $10 in his pocket. He then decided to go  to the supermarket and buy a 10Kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes  in a door to door round.

In less than two hours, he succeeded to double  his capital. He repeated  the operation three times, and returned home with  $60.

The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late. Thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought  a cart, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5  years later, the man is one of the biggest food retailers in the  US.  He started to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life  insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a  protection plan.  When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his email.

The man replied, "I don't have an email ". The broker answered curiously, "You don't have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?!!"
The man thought for a while and replied, " Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story
M1- Internet /email is not the solution to your life.
M2- If you don't  have internet / email , and work hard, you can be a
millionaire.
M3- If  you received this message by email, you are probably already an office  boy/girl, and not any close to being a Billionaire...

Dear God...

There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to
process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day, a letter came addressed in a shaky handwriting to God with no
actual address. He thought he should open it to see what it was about.
The letter read:
"Dear God,
I am an 83 year old widow, living on a very small pension. Yesterday
someone stole my purse. It had $100 in it, which was all the money I had
until my next pension check. Next Sunday is Christmas, and I had invited
two of my friends over for dinner. Without that money, I have nothing to
buy food with. I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope.
Can you please help me?
Sincerely,
Edna"

The postal worker was touched. He showed the letter to all the other
workers. Each one dug into his or her wallet and came up with a few
dollars. By the time he made the rounds, he had collected $96, which
they put into an envelope and sent to the woman. The rest of the day,
all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of Edna and the dinner she
would be able to share with her friends.

Christmas came and went. A few days later, another letter came from the
same old lady to God. All the workers gathered around while the letter
was opened. It read,

"Dear God,
How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? Because of your
gift of love, I was able to fix a glorious dinner for my friends. We had
a very nice day and I told my friends of your wonderful gift. By the
way, there was $4 missing. I think it must have been those bastards at
the Post Office.
Sincerely yours
Edna".

Mouse Story

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package. What food might this contain?"

The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap.

Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you, but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it but pray. Be assured you are in my prayers."

The mouse turned to the cow and said "There is a mousetrap in the house!

There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr.Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose." So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout them house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey. The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught. In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife. The farmer rushed her to the hospital, and she returned home with a fever.

Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main gredient.

But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig.

The farmer's wife did not get well, she died.

So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them.

The mouse looked upon it all from his crack ! in the wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, remember -- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk.

We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.

Mistakes are lessons of wisdom

" Ice melts when heated " "Eyes melt when hated"  Alexander, after conquering many kingdoms, was returning home. On the way, he fell ill and it took him to his death bed. With death staring him in his face, Alexander realized how his conquests, his great army, his sharp sword and all his wealth were of no consequence.   He now longed to reach home to see his mother's face and bid her his last adieu. But, he had to accept the fact that his sinking health would not permit Him to reach his distant homeland.   So, the mighty conqueror lay prostrate and pale, helplessly waiting to breathe his last. He called his generals and said, "I will depart from this world soon, I have three wishes, please carry out them out without fail." With tears flowing down their cheeks, the generals agreed to abide by their king's last wishes. "My first desire is that", said Alexander, "My physicians alone must carry my coffin."  After a pause, he continued, "Secondly, I desire that when my coffin is being carried to the grave, the path leading to the graveyard be strewn with gold, silver and precious stones which I have collected in my treasury". The king felt exhausted after saying this. He took a minute's rest and continued. "My third and last wish is that both my hands be kept dangling out of my coffin". The people who had gathered there wondered at the king's strange wishes. But no one dared bring the question to their lips. Alexander's favorite general kissed his hand and pressed them to his heart. "O king, we assure you that your wishes will all be fulfilled. But tell us why do you make such strange wishes?" At this Alexander took a deep breath and said: "I would like the world to know of the three lessons I have just learnt. Lessons to learn from last 3 wishes of King Alexander... I want my physicians to carry my coffin because people should realize that no doctor can really cure any body. They are powerless and cannot save a person from the clutches of death. So let not people take life for granted. The second wish of strewing gold, silver and other riches on the way to the graveyard is to tell People that not even a fraction of gold will come with me.   I spent all my life earning riches but cannot take anything with me. Let people realize that it is a sheer waste of time to chase wealth. And about my third wish of having my hands dangling out of the coffin, I wish people to know that I came empty handed into this world and empty handed I go out of this world". With these words, the king closed his eyes. Soon he let death conquer him and breathed his last. . . .  LESSONS TO LEARN  Remember, your good health is in your own hands, look after it. Wealth is only meaningful if you can enjoy while you are still alive and kicking. What you do for yourself dies with you but what you do for others, lives on.  It is called "Legacy."  Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it!

Three guys and Russell

Three guys and Russell

Three guys were at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Russell,
because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of
them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Russell and comes to breakfast the next
morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said,
"Man, what happened to you?" He said, "Russell snored so loudly, I
just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same
thing-hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "Man, what
happened to you? You look awful!" He said, 'Man, that Russell shakes
the roof with his snoring. I watched him all night."

The third night was Fred's turn. Fred was a tanned, older cowboy; a
man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and
bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it.
They said, "Man, what happened?" He said, "Well, we got ready for bed.
I went and tucked Russell into bed, patted him on the butt, and kissed
him good night. Russell sat up and watched me all night!

A MOTHER KNOWS BEST

Kumar's mother went to visit Kumar in his apartment for dinner and found that Kumar 

had a girl by the name of Sunita for a housemate...

During the course of dinner, Kumar's mother couldn't help but notice how

pretty Kumar's housemate was and the mother was suspicious of a possible

relationship between the two...

Over the course of the evening while watching Kumar and Sunita interacted, 

the mother started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his

housemate than meet the eyes and this made the mother even more curious..

Reading his mother's thoughts, Kumar volunteered, "I  know what you must

be thinking but I assure you, Sunita and I are just housemates".

About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came

to dinner that night, I've been unable to find the silver plate. You

don't suppose she took it, do you?" Kumar said, "Ah Well, I doubt it but I'll email 

her just to be sure". So he sat down and wrote to his mother :

Dear Mother,

I'm not saying that you did take the silver plate from my house..

I'm not saying that you did not take the silver plate ...But the fact remains that

it has been  missing ever since you were here for dinner ...

Love,

Kumar

Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read :

Dear Son,

I'm not saying that you do sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you

do not sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her

OWN bed, she would have found the silver plate by now under the pillow..

Love,

Mom

Lesson to be learnt :

Don't Lie To Your Mother

She's Smarter Than You Think She Is ....

Professor and Student

After having failed his exam in "Logistics and Organization", Johnny goes and confronts his lecturer about it.


Johnny: Sir, do you really understand anything about the subject?


Professor: Surely I must, otherwise I would not be a professor!


Johnny: Great, well then I would like to ask you a question.. If you can give me the correct answer, I will accept my mark as is and go.. If you however do not know the answer, I want you give me an "A" for the exam.


Professor: Okay, it's a deal. So what is the question?


Johnny: What is legal, but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal?


Even after some long and hard consideration, the professor could not give Johnny an answer, and therefore changes his exam mark into an "A", as agreed.


Still puzzled, the professor later calls on his best student in his class, Sihle, and asks him the same question.


Sihle immediately answers, "Sir, you see, you are 63 years old and married to a 35 year old woman, which is legal, but not logical. Your wife has a 25 year old lover, which is logical, but not legal. The fact that you have given your wife's lover an "A", although he really should have failed, is neither legal nor logical."


The professor fainted!

The four treasures of food

The four treasures of food that shouldn't be wasted when eating.
When eating certain food, there are certain parts which seemingly are useless and should be thrown away. In reality, their nutritional value could be higher than the food itself. Check if you have unknowingly wasted these.Fish Eyes


Fish eyes, especially mackerel family, contains rich quantity of DHA and EPA which are very rare unsaturated fatty acid. The most beneficial property of these natural substances is their ability to stimulate human brain cells, improve memory and thinking power, and also very helpful in preventing memory decline, high cholesterol and hypertension diseases. The common notion suggested is that eating certain animal parts would strengthen similar body parts of ours, and this has been proven correct by clinical experiments where fish eyes are concerned: they can help to reduce the deterioration of eyesight.


Fibres of orange or grapefruit peels



When eating oranges or grapefruits, after removing the peel, do not remove all the fibres that cover the fruits. In fact, the fibres contained a vitamin which helps to maintain the elasticity and density of the artery wall, which in turn reduces the danger of bleeding especially in the fine arteries. Hypertension patients usually have problem of brain haemorrage while diabetic patients have retina haemorrage. For people with tendency to bleed, especially old people with tendency of artery hardening, eating fibres of oranges and grapefruit peels is particularly helpful.

Bones

The nutritional value of bones are higher than that of the meat. Comparing the nutritional values of Pork bones and pork, the bones contain far more protein, iron, sodium and calories than meat. Bones contain 23% more protein than milk powder, 61% more than beef, three times as much as pork and more than double that of eggs. It has abundance of essential minerals that humans require, like vitamins A, B1 and B2 that are useful for slowing aging. The best part is, when boiled in soup, these nutritions become more readily absorbed by human body than plant-based food.
chili leaves


Chili leaves contains complete range of amino acid almost 4 times compared to the chili fruits. It also contains more than double what chili fruits have of which are anti-cancerous substance. On top of that, chili leaves are rich in calcium, beta carotene, various vitamins and other nutrients. Eating a suitable quantity of chili leaves enhances secretion of digestive juices, improves appetite and are good for indigestions, gastric and stomach discomfort. Regular intake of chili leaves also help in warming body, strengthen liver, improve eyesight, reduce weight and improve beauty. Chili leaves is tasty and can either be cooked alone, frying with meat or making soup.

Communications issues

 

  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
   

7%

Written by a 90 year old

This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!

Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come...

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

Its estimated 93% won't forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will,forward this with the title '7%'.

I'm in the 7%. Friends are the family that we choose.

A carrot, an egg and a cup of coffee ...

May we all be COFFEE!!!!!! !!

A carrot , an egg, and a cup of coffee...

You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again. 
  
       A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.
 
      Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying A word.

  In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl.

 Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."  "Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

 Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg.

 Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled, as she tasted its rich aroma the daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

 Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its insides became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.  

 "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

 Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

 Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

 Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

 May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

 The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

 When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

 Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

 You might want to send this message to those people who mean something to you (I JUST DID); to those who have touched your life in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down; to those whose friendship you appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life.

 If you don't (re)send it, you will just miss out on the opportunity to brighten someone's day with this message! 

Why We Forward Jokes

This explains why we forward jokes. 

A  man and his dog were walking along a road.
The man was enjoying the scenery,
when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered  dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years.
He  wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they  came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road.

It looked like  fine marble..

At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it, he saw a  magnificent gate in the arch that looked
like mother-of-pearl, and the  street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.

He and the dog walked  toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one  side. 

When he was close  enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'

'This is Heaven,  sir,' the man answered.

'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?'  the man asked.

'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'

The man gestured, and the gate began to  open.  'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his
dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked.

'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept  pets.'

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the  road and continued the
way he had been going with his dog.

After  another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt  road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.

There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning  against a tree and reading a book.... 





'Excuse me!' he called  to the man. 'Do you have any water?'

'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over  there, come on in.'

'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured  to the dog.

'There should be a bowl by the pump,'  said the man.

They went  through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump
with  a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink  himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog  walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

'What do you  call this place?' the traveler asked.

'This is Heaven,' he  answered.

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said.

'The man down  the road said that was Heaven, too.'

'Oh, you mean the place with the  gold street and pearly gates?  Nope. That's hell.'

'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'

'No, we're just happy  that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.' 




Soooo. Now you see, sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding stuff to us without writing a word.  Maybe this will explain it.

When you  are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do?   You forward mails.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.

When you have something to say, but don't  know what, and don't know how.... you forward stuff.

A  'forward' lets you know that you are still  remembered,you are still important, you are still  loved, you are still cared for. 
So, next time if you get  a 'forward', don't think that you 've been sent just another forwarded joke, but  that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your  computer wanted to send you a smile. 





You are welcome at  my water bowl anytime !!